So, after being here for almost a year, we have come to realize that the war here is not so much a war as it is a chance for Sergeants Majors and high ranking officers to impose their will, not upon the Iraqis, but us, US servicemen and women.
Some of the nice things that we do now are:
We have to wear reflective belts 24/7 when in our PT uniform. There are two things wrong with this.
1. In the day time, you really cannot see a guy wearing a gray t-shirt and black shorts, again, in the daytime? You need a reflective belt to avoid running us over when you are traveling down the road at a blistering 15 MPH?
2. How does a reflective belt work exactly in the daytime?
3. The shirt and the Army on the pants are ALREADY REFLECTIVE! What is the point spending hours of R&D time to make a uniform that can be seen at night, only to have to apply another layer of protection?

We are in a full salute zone. Guess those prima donna officers need to be affirmed that they are still officers. I don’t know.

AR 670-1 is still in full effect. We cannot cuff our sleeves, we have to have our boots bloused, and it is well over 100 degrees F here. Here is a thought, how about using a common sense approach to ensuring that heat casualties are prevented rather than enforce garrison rules that will increase the likelihood that we will have heat casualties.

No wearing of civilian clothes. Hmm, we have ID cards, and weapons. How about let us wear civilian clothes, and ensure that our ID card is visibly displayed and still require us to carry our weapon. If you see a dude in civilian clothes AND carrying a weapon, AND they have a DOD ID card that clearly states your branch of service as well as your rank, then there is still no confusion as to who the underpaid and overworked service member is and who the overpaid and underworked civilian contractor is. But then I guess that if you do not see the rank of the officer, they do not get their salute. Again, I don’t know.

FOB Police. Yeah, that is right. If you are driving around the FOB, and you are speeding or you do a California stop at a stop sign, the FOB police will pull you over and give you a ticket. And these are NOT MP’s, but rather shitbag soldiers that the units do not want to have to deal with, so they give them up to BDOC.

No sexual relations among non-married couples. And I do not mean the ones who are married, separated from their spouse and suddenly think that they are geographical bachelors. I am talking about single soldiers who meet someone they like and want to have sex. Married couples who are deployed together get to actually live in the same room together. So why can a couple of consenting adults engage in what comes natural to humans when they are attracted to each other. They sell condoms in the PX which means that the command knows that there is sex going on, so why make it illegal. I guess the condoms are only for the married couples that are deployed together.

No porn. Yes, that is right; we are not allowed to have pornography. Hah. This is a joke. The ever so efficient customs douche bags in Kuwait and here go to great lengths to ensure that we do not bring porn FROM Iraq to the US. They make no attempt what so ever to ensure that it is not brought INTO Iraq FROM the US.  So, let’s see, we cannot engage in sexual relations, and we cannot have porn to masturbate with either. So what, we cannot pleasure ourselves either? Give me a break. You are not going to expect that someone is going to be sent to a shithole country for a year and NOT have some sort of sexual outlet. Not going to happen, I do not care who you are.

Formations. Yes, we have massive battalion formations every month. Wow, what an opportunity for the enemy. Good thing that they cannot see inside the FOB. But wait, who cares? Randomness happens.

When someone gets killed or seriously injured, they shut down our internet and IP phones, yet almost everyone here as a cell phone that they either brought from home or, like me, bought here. I understand the reason for this, but really? We have ways of talking to family members anyway. Stop the nonsense. Don’t turn off our internet.

No hands in the pockets. Yes, that is right, they make these pants we wear with pockets that are angled so it feel completely natural to put your hands in your pockets. In the US I can understand it. In a combat zone? Who really gives a shit?

Mandatory Safety Stand Down Day - Wooo hooo! Wow, so apparently there are some stupid ass motherfuckers who do not know how to do the right thing and they get themselves hurt. So they teach us nifty things like how to put on a seat belt, how to do proper EOF, how to use a variety of weapons (yeah, the ones that us Infantry guys use EVERY FREAKING DAY!). How to avoid becoming a heat casualty. DRINK WATER SUPID ASS! LAY OFF THE SODA'S!. Oh yeah, AND LET US UNBLOUSE OUR BOOTS AND CUFF OUR SLEEVES!

Urinalysis tests. That is right folks, we now have to take the beloved piss test. I guess there is such a HUGE drug problem here that they now have to test everyone, a few times a year! The piss test is so much fun. You get a small plastic bottle, get to carry it OVER YOUR HEAD so that everyone can see that you get to piss in a bottle, have an NCO follow you to the local port-a-john, and he gets to watch you pee. And by watch, I mean he stares at your dick while you pee. While most men have no issues with this, I do. I am gun shy. I have to use the stall in a public restroom to piss if someone else is in the bathroom, so imagine how much fun it is for me to spend two to four hours drinking a shit load of water and gatorade so I have to piss no matter if Mother Theresa was watching. Then of course I spend the rest of the day and evening pissing every 20 minutes, and I have a constant feeling that I have to pee all day as well. Good times for sure.

Well , I can go on and on but I think that you get the picture. Stop the stupidity and let us just do our job.